I'm good at being emotionless and objective when it comes down to my personal issues. i can bottle everything up capped with a smile, even when i secretly want to talk to someone about it all, with such excessive emotions flowing over the top, because i feel like my seams will burst anyway, in a way that could be worse. but it's time to shuffle the cards and look at it in another way. For instance, go with the flow and change my tendency of taking this situaion in such a serious level. I get sad when i see one word i dislike. I want to, and i think it's something i need to do. for my own sake. making decisions consciously is a big theme in my life. i guess that weaves into part of the reason to why i am so closed up. i don't want to deal with the regret if i say something that might be considered wrong. i have this urge to speed up my life.. but this urge could just be short sighted. after all, there are some good things on the horizon. and i surely wouldn't want to miss them, or so I've been told over and over again.it's a funny thing about life, no matter how much you try to prepare, plan and push things in a certain direction, you'll never really know where you end up until you're there. i have been so overprotective about this whole thig and all i need to do is let it go and fall into place naturally because even i deep inside my heart i know it's all going to be fine. before i heavily talk to you about anything, i step back and examine what i am doing. and i end up cutting up the conversation on to a new path. it's just you're so.. amazing in ways i've never seen before. i don't want to lose you. it seems as though every single girl wants you, and they do. So i know it is going to be so hard to be with you :(! you're something beyond perfect. My grip on reality is tight, and my grip on you is even tighter which scares me because i know how attached i am becoming to you.

i'm scared of what you'll think of me.
i'm scared you'll take things the wrong way.
i'm scared the wrong words will slip from my mouth.
i'm scared you will call quits.
i'm scared of you thinking i'm scared.
and i am scared of losing you..